


Hate, Love, Pain and Despair

by MorganaNK



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7362244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moment after Buffy sends Angel to Hell</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate, Love, Pain and Despair

**Author's Note:**

> Characters are the property of Joss Whedon and all interested parties.  
> No copyright infringement intended

My heart is splintered. I can feel the slivers, like shattered glass, sliding down inside me, slicing through arteries and veins, tearing at my very soul. I can hear a sound, like a wounded animal, trapped and looking down the barrel of the hunter’s gun. It takes a while for me to register that the source of the pitiful wailing is me.

Acathla lies dormant, giving no hint of the apocalypse just averted. He stands there like some hideously bloated garden ornament and I hate him. 

My face is wet and for the first time I realize I’m crying. When did that start? Was it before or after I plunged the sword in my lover’s stomach and sentenced him to an eternal existence of unbelievable misery and pain?

Angel.

Just one word but a myriad of emotions. A love that threatens to overwhelm. A hate that could consume like the fiercest of fires. A pain that neither Advil nor Morphine could ever hope to ease. A sense of despair that savagely crushes any glimmer of hope under its boot. A never ending circle.

I can’t breathe. My legs give way beneath me and I fall to the ground. Only now does it really hit me, what I have done. I have sent Angel to Hell.

This is no day trip, no outing to a theme park, ‘Welcome to Hell World – you have a nice day now!’ This is real and bloody and…forever?

Forever, a concept that’s hard to grasp for most people. How long *is* forever? When you say you’ll love someone forever, do you really mean that, or is it just until you meet the next good looking face attached to a great body? What Angel and I have, it’s forever. Until the seas boil, the sun fails to set, and my body lies rotting in the poisoned earth, even then our love will go on.

_You still my girl? Always._

I push myself to my feet and waver unsteadily, my mind in turmoil. Where do I go now? There’s nothing left for me here. Wanted for the murder of Kendra, expelled from school, hated by my mother, my friends the target of Angel’s psycho alter ego’s sidekicks, my Watcher's girlfriend murdered and left in his bed, him tortured. I’m not welcome here.

Oh God Angel, I’m so sorry. Your last word was my name, your face showing confusion. I failed you, you saved me so many times, and yet I couldn’t do this one thing for you. 

I turn and stumble blindly for the door, I don’t know where I’m going, I have no plan other than getting away from this place and the memories it holds. Forever has just become a painful place to be.


End file.
